1. Military Family and Support Centers.

Each branch of the military has them but they have different names depending on the branch. It is worth reaching out to them as they would be able to talk to you and give you a thorough list of benefits that apply to your specific branch. I have worked with families in the Navy, Coast Guard, Air Force, Army, and Marines and what I have found is that while most of the benefits are the same from one branch to another there are things that vary; like how many days of leave you get, etc.

2. Military OneSource.

I often get calls from Military OneSource which is a resource that families can use to help get started. They have representatives who will do some of the leg work for you (finding out costs, what type of programs agencies offer in the area where you live, etc.). Their website is www.militaryonesource.mil/.

3. Adoption Subsidy.

If you are active duty military then you are eligible for up to $2,000 in reimbursement for qualifying adoption expenses. You do need to wait until the adoption is finalized to receive it and must be active duty when the adoption is finalized. So, make sure that you keep receipts for all adoption expenses.

4. Adoption Leave.

Parents in the military are eligible for three weeks of adoption leave uncharged (at least in the Navy, again, this could vary branch to branch within the military) vs. 10 days of paternity leave for having a child biologically. This is not something that every Command is aware of, so you may need to bring in a copy of the policy to show (I had one family who had to go this route) in order to get the three weeks approved. 

5. Health Insurance. 

As soon as a family signs an adoptive placement agreement or their internationally adopted child comes home to them, they are able to enroll the child in DEERS and then Tricare. Families I work with typically don’t have a problem, but every so often I get calls about issues. I always say try a second person as you will probably get a different result (and they often do) or, if there are problems let me know and I, as their adoption worker, can get involved. There are Federal Laws that protect adoptive families and allow the child to be immediately added onto their health insurance as long as it is within 30 days of placement. 

6. Resources after Adoption.

While your local agency should offer post adoption support as a military family you may move away from the area soon after you adopt. There are many resources for military families such as child developmental programs, confidential services, parenting resources, and family advocacy programs. While the resources and support are out there it will be important for you, as the parents, to be proactive and advocate for the services and support that your child and family will need.

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It is important that you do your research. My recommendation is to start the process relatively quickly after relocating to a new duty station. Be proactive and start researching agencies in the area where you will be moving prior to actually moving there. Ask for inquiry packets, narrow down your options, and know where you want to focus your attention. As you know you have many options when it comes to adoption; domestic infant, private infant adoption, international adoption, or adoption through foster care. All are perfectly ascertainable as a military family. From my experience, areas of the country that are used to working with military families tend to have a lot more expertise, wisdom, and knowledge in how to help with this.

Once you have decided on what type of adoption you are looking for and have settled on an agency, then get working on your home study as quickly as possible. Also, you do not have to be living stateside to adopt. If you are a military family who is deployed overseas it is still possible to adopt. You will need to have an agency stateside that you are working with (in the state of your legal residence), but then you can use one of the few agencies out there to have your home study completed while living abroad. Adopt Abroad, Inc. (http://adopt-abroad.com/) is an example of an agency out there that has social workers living in various parts of the world who can complete adoption home studies for you. While there can be some additional hoops to jump through adopting either domestically or internationally while living abroad, it is possible.

Some practical things to consider as you pursue adoption:

1. How long will I be living my current area? This may help you determine what type of adoption you want to pursue. If you were to move prior to a placement then you would need to look into having a home study update completed in the state where you are moving. You may still be able to stay with your original agency (if pursuing a domestic adoption) if they allow it. It would not be a problem if you are adopting internationally. Your home study would need to be updated to meet the state requirements and then sent to USCIS to be updated in their system. 

2. Deployments/Detachments – if you are a military family these are a reality. You will want to make sure that you are prepared in case a placement happens when a spouse is deployed. Make sure to have a Power of Attorney in place that is specific to adoption. Also, talk to your adoption agency so that you know what you may or may not be able to take part in. I have done Skype birth parent/adoptive parent meeting and was even able to use Skype so that an adoptive parent could be present for their placement day while deployed in Afghanistan.

3. This is not something that is for the faint of heart. Those embarking on this journey must be completely comfortable in their role as both an active duty military member and the spouse of an active duty military member. Clear communication and expectations must take place. Life-altering decisions may be made by the non-active duty spouse while the other is deployed (like taking placement of a child or accepting a referral).

Adoption is exciting. It is also nerve-racking, emotionally exhausting, an adventure, and a journey. While it can be a roller coaster ride for any family, it can be an even larger roller coaster for a military family. That being said, don’t let the fact that you are an active duty military family stop you. Ask questions, connect with experts. If you live in an area where there are not many military, call an adoption agency in an area with a high military presence as they may be able to give you and the agency you are working with helpful advice. Most importantly, take a moment to step back and enjoy the journey of adoption that you are beginning.

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About six weeks after our first meeting, the agency was asking if I could forward forms to my husband for him to sign and fill out. There were some I could do on his stead (like applications for clearances – which, by the way, you’ll have to have for every duty station for the past six years). But then they asked me send him some paperwork. Um… no. I couldn’t. My husband was on a submarine. Which means no mail service. 

“When is he going to port?” they’d ask.

I’d have to be honest, “I don’t know.”  

“Well, when will he be back so we can schedule a home study with both of you?”  

“I don’t know.”

They didn’t like my answer, but in our branch of the Navy, we get less than 24 hours notice of homecomings and deployments. Most agencies don’t work that fast. In fact, we didn’t find one that did. That caused us to shelve our plans to adopt until he had a rotation on shore duty in 2015.

Luckily, in 2014 he was on land for a significant period of time and his command was agreeable to letting him out of shifts so that we could attend mandatory classes and meetings. We were able to get our foster license in 2015. By the time we were able to get our clearances back from everywhere he had served, and get on the list, the people we had gone to class with  earlier that year had already finalized their adoptions. And here we were – just getting on the list…

If the adopting family happens to PCS during the process, they will have to work with the states to get the child over state lines – just like any other out of state adoption. This can cause more delays.

The delays can be incredibly frustrating, but keep in your heart that your children are out there and they are family –they just don’t know it yet.

Check out this awesome resource on your journey to adopt as a military family.

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